a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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