my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is Oprah even human
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize