im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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