I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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