The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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