ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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