I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
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So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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