Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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