I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize