i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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