Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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