Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize