he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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