I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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