I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize