the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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