I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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