I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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