Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
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I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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