Acid is not a monday night drug
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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