Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize