I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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