OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We left an ass print on the piano.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize