Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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