The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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