My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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