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you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
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