One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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