1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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