I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize