Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want to be your penis for a week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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