As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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