my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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