went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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