Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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