The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm like, not good at living.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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