FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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