I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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