Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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