dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize