If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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