I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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