My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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