haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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