I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize