hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She's not a foreskin expert like you
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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