you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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