told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
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I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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