Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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