had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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